Dreamdust to Rubble

Posted on Fri Dec 5th, 2025 @ 11:26pm by Rear Admiral Indi Hawk

782 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Second Light
Location: Temporary quarters

It was late afternoon by the time Indi woke up. Something unfamiliar stirred at the back of her consciousness, slowly bringing her back into the waking world. It took a moment for things to return to her. What had happened only that morning. It seemed like an eternity ago. The missed meeting. Sidra. Medical. The new quarters. With a start, she looked at her right upper arm and found there the device that was supposed to administer her drugs automatically to help her with the withdrawal effects. Well, damn. It hadn't been a bad dream. This was really happening. 

After a bit more contemplation of her new reality, she swung out of bed and padded into the new living room. It was clean. It was sterile. It was new. Most likely, nobody had ever lived here before. It was a lot cleaner than her own living room was. And yet, she preferred being home over this. At least home was familiar. Had it really been home though? Had she ever considered it home? It didn't matter. There were too many questions to which she didn't have an answer anyway. 

An hour later found her sitting on a chair at the dinner table. When had she taken a seat? When she had entered the living room? Had she sat there for an hour? There were no cups or plates in front of her, so she hadn't eaten or taken a drink. A quick scan around the room found a tray with food near the entrance to the quarters. So, at least they weren't going to let her starve. But she obviously hadn't touched any of it. She'd just sat there and lost an hour. Had she even failed to register them entering and leaving? Or had they come before she had even gotten up? She didn't know. It didn't matter. 

A shower. She suddenly craved a sonic shower. Maybe that would make her feel human again. Dropping her clothes where she had been sitting at the table, she headed naked over to the bathroom and let the shower do its thing. As she got out, the sight of herself in the mirror caught her eye. No! She didn't want to see that! She didn't recognize who was staring back at her. No! No! No! Abruptly, she turned her back to the mirror and forced herself into some easy clothes. Sweatpants, t-shirt, sweatpants. Easy and comfortable. It's not like she had to be somewhere. As soon as she was dressed, she hurried out of the bathroom, away from the mirror. 

Now what? 

She looked around as if expecting to find something had changed during her shower. Anything at all. But it hadn't. Nothing had. Feelings started to boil up inside of her, too many feelings. So many feelings that they all coiled together, twisted in her head, making them an unsolvable puzzle. She was ready to smash something when she felt the pressure increasing of the device on her arm. Apparently, it had decided she needed meds to counter whatever she was feeling. Great. Even her feelings weren't her own anymore. Her body wasn't her own. Her mind wasn't her own. Now even her feelings weren't her own! 

It made Indi angry. Very angry. Even if the turmoil in her head seemed to cease shortly after the medication had set in, the anger didn't subside. On the contrary, it stood out clearly in her mind now. It was the only feeling that made sense. The anger was impossible to contain. She paced back and forth her quarters, but no relief was to be found. No punching bag was available. Nothing to work out. Only bare quarters and anger. Nothing more. She felt trapped. She had to get out of there! Anger and panic now mixed together. The panic was impossible to keep at bay. The anger as well. Nothing left to think. No reason. No! No! No! More pacing. Her hands ran through her hair, back and forth. Back and forth. Just like her feet went back and forth the quarters. Restless. Anger. Panic. Her breathing became heavier with the second.
 
The only loose thing in the quarters was the tray with food. Something had to give. Her feet and hands were out of control. Something had to give! With a shout, she picked up the tray from the floor, and threw it across the room. The food and drinks on it, scattered across the room. The crashing sound of the tray itself brought Indi somewhat back to herself. 

Suddenly very tired, she sagged down under the furthest window viewport her quarters had to offer, and sat there. Just sat there. 

And sat there.

 

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